The Perils of Marriage and Music
by SarahBlackwood
Summary: All married couples argue but The Doctor and River Song aren't exactly your average married couple. An explosive disagreement brings them to 18th century Vienna. Can meeting one of the most brilliant musical minds of all time help fix their marriage? Or have our time traveling duo bitten off more than they can chew?
1. Chapter 1

The Perils of Marriage and Music

Prologue:

The mad married couple

As soon as the TARDIS landed, River flung open the door and rushed out onto the brand new planet. She wasn't exactly sure where she was, but she didn't care; she needed to get as far away from him as she could.

"But River, if you could only see my point of view!" The Doctor called after her.

She kept on marching away from him as fast as her long legs could carry her.

"Please, River! You don't know what you're doing!" His legs were long too; he was gaining on her. Pretty soon he'd reach her and whip her around, and then he'd… well, he'd cause her resolve to melt. And she couldn't allow that this time.

"Oh, I don't know what I'm doing?" River asked her voice like a clap of thunder. "_I _don't know what I'm doing? Half the time you don't even know what galaxy you are, or in what century. You make decisions based on whether or not you like someone's hat, or what shapes you can see in the clouds!

"After all I've done for you, I ask for one small thing and…" She let the sentence trail off there. His face flushed red and he hopped nervously from one foot to the other. He hated it when she alluded to Stormcage and her prison sentence, the promise she'd made and the reason she couldn't be free to do as she pleased.

"Oh, never mind." she said. "I should be getting back. They'll be missing me. It shouldn't take long to complete this assignment, anyway."

The Doctor stumbled over the uneven ground and landed on his elbows. Thankfully the leather patches on the sleeves of his tweed jacket afforded extra protection.

"But River, dear,"he said as he scrambled up_, _"you don't even know where or when we are here!"

"I'll figure it out!" she called, fiddling with the seismic location device, and trying to pinpoint the exact position in time and space of the thing she was searching for. It was just out of reach. She'd been chasing it without success for about a fortnight, and surely would have found it by now if it hadn't been for the interruptions of her time-traveling spouse.

"Just get back in the TARDIS" he wheedled_, "_and I'll take you back. And then we can have a nice banana milkshake or a slice of Grasshopper pie." He paused for a minute.

"There aren't real grasshoppers in the pie, are there?" He made a face and stuck his tongue out.

River rolled her eyes at him, but then let her expression soften somewhat. He was a dear, dear man and she loved him more than anything in the world… but sometimes he was simply exasperating.

"I can't go back with you; not this time Sweetie," she said, zipping up her jacket, making a vain attempt to fix her hair and checking the safety on her gun.

"River, please, let's be sensible. River Song, I..."

She never heard the end of the sentence, because she had finally managed to squeeze the correct coordinates out of the seismic locator, adjusted her vortex manipulator and went spinning through time and space, leaving the Doctor behind her. With any luck, she would soon find what she was looking for. Maybe the Doctor would see sense and forgive her.

Maybe she would even forgive him. After all, all married couples argued at some point.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you so much to those of you following this! Some of the first fanfics I ever wrote as a child were about Mozart so it's a pleasure to return to him for this story. Please, please review I've never written this sort of story before and could really use the support! Thank you so much to JaneScarlett for the beta reading. Check out her stuff!

I don't own any Doctor Who characters. I don't own the Mozarts either. I hope they forgive me for playing with them!

Chapter 1:

The Woman At The Window

_It was just one of those days_, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart thought as he tripped up the cobbled streets to his flat carrying his portfolio of music. _One of those no good days where it would have been better to just stay in bed._

It was January, and the snow -the product of a half hearted storm- had melted to create a muddy soup that was ruining his shoes. The opera rehearsal had been abysmal, and he dreaded to think how they would ever be ready in time for the opening performance. His new student decided to learn how to draw instead of how to play the piano, leaving him without that source of income. He owed about 300 florins to his tailor and the man had thrown him out of the shop when he admitted he couldn't pay. (But he desperately needed a new suit, preferably in violet, for the premiere of his latest opera, Cosi Fan Tutti. Plus, he needed a new wig. He had seen just the one in a shop window; but now he'd have to borrow money again before he could purchase it.)

On his way home a passing carriage had sprayed him with mud, completely ruining his new hose. And to top it all off,he had forgotten to pick up his wife's medicine from the apothecary. She'd told him to twenty times that morning; she'd written it down; she'd written it on his hand, even… but now the apothecary was closed and he was doomed. He had married a darling, darling little woman who could sometimes, occasionally, once in a while transform into a fire breathing dragon. He wasn't relishing the scolding he was going to get when he got home to her.

Still, there was a box of chocolates from Demel, mostly uneaten, waiting for him at home (providing his wife hadn't devoured them); and a party to go to with his friend Schikaneder later. The thought of drinking punch and dancing and playing billiards put a little spring in his step, and despite his troubles_,_ Wolfgang found himself whistling a happy little tune as he walked.

He didn't notice that he was being followed right away. It was the flash of bright green in a large puddle just ahead of him that gave it away. He let the whistling trail off and slowly turned around. There in front of him was a strange figure: taller than Mozart himself, and entirely covered in green feathers. In the middle of its face, there was a beak that gleamed silver, and instead of arms, it had huge wings tipped in scarlet. It waved those wings menacingly at him, and let out a series of tones that ranged from low like a tuba to high as a piccolo. His eyes dropped to the ground, where he noticed the clawed feet, the sharp threatening talons.

Mozart couldn't suppress his cry of terror and started to run as fast as his little legs could carry him, with the bird creature close behind in pursuit. He passed his house, fleeing into a side street, hoping to lose the beast who continued to trill at him. If he was honest, it sounded a bit like a rough little melody; if he could just stop and catch his breath he might… The bird man snapped its beak at him_,_ and he kept running.

That was when he saw something much more terrifying: a giant snake, heading straight for them. The bird man extended his wings and took to the sky, leaving Mozart in the direct path of the horrible scaled beast. It had deadly looking, blackened fangs dripping with slime and cruel scarlet eyes, and as it lunged towards him, the cobblestones shook under its immense weight.

"Help! Help! Help me!" Mozart screamed in terror and ran on for what seemed like ages, making his way through winding backstreets, up secret pathways until he thought himself thoroughly lost; and only when he could no longer see the huge snake did he dare stop, reaccustom himself with his whereabouts, double back and dash up the stairs to his flat.

He hurled his portfolio and hat to the ground, and wrapped his arms around his startled wife. Constanze Mozart was not amused.

"What is it now?" she asked in exasperation, helping him out of his coat and looking down at his ruined stockings. "And now, see here; have you forgotten my medicine again?!"

Wolfgang shuffled his feet sheepishly. "But Stanzi! There was a giant snake and a bird man! A horrible feathered beast the size of a bear and a snake taller than a tree with fangs the size of your arm. They chased me down the street! It isn't my fault!"

"I've had it with you! I should have listened to my mother and sisters; you're insane! And probably drunk. Giant snakes? Bird men? Giant feathered…listen to yourself! I could just…just…" She raised her hands towards his throat and then dropped them again in defeat.

"But I'm telling you, there was a snake the size of a carriage and a green feathered bird man. It sounded like a collection of wind instruments! It chased me all through the streets! And all at once, the great big snake came out of nowhere and tried to eat us. Ask anyone! They all saw me running and screaming like a girl!" Wolfgang exclaimed holding onto her hands. His wife marched straight to the window, wrenched it open and thrust her head into the cool, wintry evening air.

"Can you hear me, Vienna?" Constanze shouted, waving her hands expansively. "Did you see my husband running away from a great green feathered beast!? No? How about a gigantic snake?" She whipped around to face him. "You see? You big fat liar! There is no snake, no bird man."

She watched as her husband took a few faltering steps towards her, his mouth gaping open in shock as he pointed at something outside the window.

"What? What is it? The neighbours have heard worse." she said and turned to look out of the window once more.

There, at the window, was a woman. She had appeared suddenly, from one second to the next it seemed. She was standing on the window ledge: a tall woman with a large nose, an expressive mouth and a great cloud of curly reddish blond hair. Her own it seemed, from the way it fell around her face and over her shoulders. She was wearing an army greatcoat and bright blue leather gloves; a strange black band was strapped to her wrist. Constanze blinked twice and then pinched herself to be sure she wasn't dreaming.

"Excuse me," the woman said politely. "I couldn't help overhearing you mention a great green feathered beast? Just the thing I was looking for. Mind if I come in?"

Constanze shuffled to her husband's side, clutching his arm as she looked at him, and he looked at her in surprise and confusion. Then Mozart gave a little shrug. The little composer seemed to have regained his composure, or else he had decided it was a dream; for to Constanze's utter shock, he gestured for the woman to enter.

"By all means," he said, his voice a nervous squeak. He cleared his throat. "Welcome to our home. I'm Wolfgang Mozart and this is my wife, Constanze. I call her Stanzi."

The woman stepped into the flat gracefully. She was wearing a full skirt under the greatcoat, a dark blue skirt dotted with silver; and though she was quite tall for a woman, she wore very high heels. She stretched out her hand to shake theirs in turn.

"My name is Dr. River Song, " she said with a twinkle in her eye. "It's such an honour to meet you both."

"Oh, no." Mozart said, gaping at her in awe. "The honour is all mine."

In the moments that followed_, _Constanze Mozart remembered the main reason she had fallen in love with her husband: you never really knew what he would do next. Suddenly there they were, eating supper at the pool table with the strange tall woman who had come in through their window. It was only a poor supper of boiled beef and carrots and potatoes, but Constanze had found an apple lurking in the pantry and prepared 'Apfelkren', that lovely spicy sauce combining apples and horseradish. She was rewarded with a smile and extensive thanks from the window woman, and couldn't stop blushing. She kept stealing glances at her. At her wild hair, her broad skirt; which on closer inspection wasn't covered in silver dots at all, but tiny twinkling stars. She found herself entranced by her lyrical voice, but couldn't seem to concentrate on a word she was saying.

Wolfgang seemed completely at home chatting with Dr. Song, who explained that she was a scientist from very, very far away, and she had been hired to find and catch the green bird man. It was actually an alien creature called a Homopsittaciforme, and the last of its kind. She continued that the snake was a Venusian Boa Constrictor a predator of great renown who regarded the Homopsittaciforme as a particular delicacy.

Despite what she said,neither Wolfgang nor his wife dared to protest that it was ridiculous, such creatures simply didn't exist. Wolfgang, because he had seen them with his own eyes, had a quick and willing mind and had already excepted that this could possibly be the truth. Constanze, on the other hand, couldn't exactly say if she did believe them. This felt more like a game she had decided to join in on, even though she didn't know the rules.

Over chocolates and red wine, Wolfgang described both beasts in detail for Dr. Song while Constanze prepared coffee. She entered the room just as Dr. Song was saying something, with a very serious expression on her face.

"He'll say he's trying to help. But no matter what he says, don't believe him. He calls himself the Doctor. This is really important, remember this: the Doctor. No other name. And he's a bad man. "

Wolfgang nodded enthusiastically to show he understood.

"I noticed the Homopsittaciforme is very susceptible to music, and seeing as Herr Mozart is a universally known composer of limitless talents that may have been part of the reason the creature was following him. Had you been singing at all as you walked home?" Dr. Song wanted to know.

"Well, I was whistling, but nothing in particular. Just a new little tune." His face was still bright red from her praise. "I'd hardly say unlimited talents. I was a child prodigy, you know, but I haven't had much luck since. My passion is opera, and it's so hard to get a commission."

Stanzi nodded in agreement, almost apologetically."Everyone wants chamber music or symphonies nowadays." she explained. "Of course Wolfgang can write anything but he's always at his best when he writes opera."

Dr. Song gave them a wise, almost a knowing smile."Believe me, my dear Mozarts, I am not prone to exaggeration. Flat out lying perhaps… in fact, lying is a particular talent of mine. But not exaggeration."

"I think" she continued_, _"that little whistled tune of yours may be the key. If we are lucky, we just might catch the bird man and rid the city of the giant reptile in one fell swoop."

She was ready to leave right then, but Wolfgang wouldn't hear of it. The strange scientist must spend the night, and they would hunt the beasts in the morning, during the relative security of daylight. Constanze found herself agreeing with him, waving away protests and insisting it would be no trouble_._ As she gathered the dishes and left them to soak in soapy water, she wondered why she was being so accepting of crazy stories, green feathered aliens, great snakes and a strange woman who used windows instead of doors? Perhaps because she could sense an adventure coming on. As a girl she had so longed to do something more daring than copying music, occasionally singing, marrying and having children. She had never gotten her big adventure and now married, living in this tiny flat with no idea where they would be living next month and how they would eat. This woman who had appeared out of nowhere was bringing a breath of fresh air into their little lives, and Stanzi felt a little thrill at that thought and the anticipation of what might happen as a result_._

While River was talking to the Mozarts_, _elsewhere in Vienna, a blue box landed right smack in the middle of Stephansplatz. A tall thin man dressed in a tweed jacket and a bow tie stepped out into the square, looked about and then reached to open the box again. When he found it would not open he produced his sonic screwdriver, pointed it at the door and found that it made absolutely no difference. The door _still_ would not open. Why did his girls always seem to conspire with each other?

"RIVER!" he shouted in frustration. The sound of that name reverberated over the rooftops of Vienna, in the still of the winter's night.


End file.
